Bill didn't seem to have any special talent like his sister Susan, but for as long as he could think, he could remember the things that nobody else cared to, like birth dates of strangers, addresses, the serial number on the box of Wheaties that he ate out of each morning, and in this case, license plates. It's not that he tried to remember, it's just that if he saw it, then the numbers just seemed to stick with him indefinitely.
He was awkward the way his sister used to be. They just didn't seem to get the fashion gene or the social bug. But Susan had changed herself somehow, reinvented. Bill hardly noticed the change, it was so gradual, until he looked up one day and truly she was a star, at least in his eye. He loved his sister, and would do anything for her. He would fight for her is she needed it, but since he was the baby and smaller than her in their childhood she often fought his battles. Not that she was trying to, she just always happened to be there. As you can imagine, Susan has never been that much of a fighter but she could commit to a moment. And if in that moment her and Bill had to fight to keep him from being bullied everyday, then Susan would fight and fight she did, wild and unyielding swings that often threw her down. But she showed up daily like clock work at lunch time, just to "fight" for her brother.
Nobody else would have called what she did, fighting. It was more like some wild, tribal dance with a secret message hidden deep inside. It's not that she scared anybody away, she was just persistent. For as long as they wanted to take her brother's lunch or steal his homework or put him in the locker, then Susan wanted to "fight." She showed up like clockwork for 31 days. On day 32 they called a truce that lasted right into adulthood. And somehow they developed some weird friendship with Bill looking out for them in the classroom and the ex-bullies looking out for him in the hallway . . .
"You can't do their homework for them!"
"Well that's what they want!"
"So! You can't do their homework for them." Susan said leaning in close this time, "That's wrong and besides, they still have control. Bill, they are going to have to treat like a friend, leave you alone all together or we are going to have to fight again."
"I don't want to fight again!"
"I don't either, but you will not be bullied and controlled by people. So, you cannot do their homework and if you do, then you and I will fight every day."
"Why are you doing this?!"
"Because I love you. You're a man and men are not supposed to be controlled by their fears. Real men conquer fears." It was something she heard on an inspirational tape and believed. That's how she learned and that's how she taught her brother, her mom was always working and just waiting for her to graduate from High School, so that she could go to work too and help out with the bills. She didn't even know that Susan could sing.
"But I'm no man Susan, I'm only 13."
"We might as well get started now Bill--"
"Bill Thingerson, Mr. Bill Thingerson, Mr. Bill-"
"Yes, I'm right here."
"You can see her now." The nurse smiled as she walked away. That smile made him believe that everything would be fine. Just the same, Bill was still a little freaked out about seeing her. What if she was dying and this hospital visit exposed a secret malady that they never knew she had. Yes, he had ridden over in the ambulance but had been sitting in the waiting area for the past half hour and his imagination ran wild . . .
"Hey boy!"
"What's wrong with her."
"Pain pills."
"She's high!"
"She is medicated so that she doesn't feel the pain."
"She's high."
"High and flying baby. That's me."
Bill burst out into laughter and Susan laughed too, because he laughed. At this point she couldn't tell what was funny and what wasn't. She would feel tomorrow, as for today, she would imitate her baby brother and laugh.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Natasha 10: TKR 1218
Bill didn't know what he was trying to do or why he even left his sister's side. The whole thing just felt like a hit and run and that isn't right. People shouldn't walk all over each other and say nothing. He was tired of getting bumped around, he was tired of watching people that he liked getting bumped around. It was his sister's turn to shine, and now she was knocked over by some fat white girl who doesn't even care.
"That junk isn't fair," he thought as he watched Natasha run away. Once she was out of site, he went back to find his sister.
"I hope she can still sing, I hope they will let her in, I hope she is OK."
"Susan are you alright."
"Yes, I think so, where were you?"
"I tried to get her to stop "
"Who?"
"Son" the medic addressed Bill directly, "She's still groggy and disoriented. We have to go now, are you riding with us?"
"Yes, I'm her brother."
"We know, she told us."
"Is she OK?" Bill asked as he stepped into the ambulance. "She will be, but we have get going."
"She better be ok," he thought to himself, "or the white girl with the license plate number TKR 1218 will be in for a big surprise..."
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve . . .
"That junk isn't fair," he thought as he watched Natasha run away. Once she was out of site, he went back to find his sister.
"I hope she can still sing, I hope they will let her in, I hope she is OK."
"Susan are you alright."
"Yes, I think so, where were you?"
"I tried to get her to stop "
"Who?"
"Son" the medic addressed Bill directly, "She's still groggy and disoriented. We have to go now, are you riding with us?"
"Yes, I'm her brother."
"We know, she told us."
"Is she OK?" Bill asked as he stepped into the ambulance. "She will be, but we have get going."
"She better be ok," he thought to himself, "or the white girl with the license plate number TKR 1218 will be in for a big surprise..."
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve . . .
Natasha 9: I didn't hurt anybody!
"You hit my sister"
"I didn't hit anybody"
"You hit my sister, you need to come with me," and he grabbed her arm. Natasha was twice Bills size, so she simply snatched it back, but to her surprise his grip was strong and he did not let go.
"Let go of me, Help!"
"You hit my sister"
"I didn't hurt anyone, let go of me! Somebody help me!" where is the police when you need them. "Help me!" She yelled, a little hysterical by now, "Help."
"I don't want to hurt you, you hurt my sister, I want you to come see about her," he said as he let go, aware that this white girl could get him in trouble, conveniently ignoring that concept that you don't touch people that you don't know.
"I didn't hurt anybody!" and Natasha ran out of the center, jumped in her car, drove to her loft, but didn't go in. She just sat there in the car, thinking, of nothing at all. Given the events of the day, how could she be thinking of nothing? But she was, in fact she was putting a lot of energy into thinking of nothing, because she didn't want to feel what she felt in that room just minutes before; which sadly was the same thing she felt in another room filled with critics, a day that she had hoped to forget forever, but it seemed to have found it's way into her future. How would she get it out?
"I didn't hurt anybody!?" she said out loud, thinking of that little black man that grabbed her at the door. "They hurt me!"
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve . . .
"I didn't hit anybody"
"You hit my sister, you need to come with me," and he grabbed her arm. Natasha was twice Bills size, so she simply snatched it back, but to her surprise his grip was strong and he did not let go.
"Let go of me, Help!"
"You hit my sister"
"I didn't hurt anyone, let go of me! Somebody help me!" where is the police when you need them. "Help me!" She yelled, a little hysterical by now, "Help."
"I don't want to hurt you, you hurt my sister, I want you to come see about her," he said as he let go, aware that this white girl could get him in trouble, conveniently ignoring that concept that you don't touch people that you don't know.
"I didn't hurt anybody!" and Natasha ran out of the center, jumped in her car, drove to her loft, but didn't go in. She just sat there in the car, thinking, of nothing at all. Given the events of the day, how could she be thinking of nothing? But she was, in fact she was putting a lot of energy into thinking of nothing, because she didn't want to feel what she felt in that room just minutes before; which sadly was the same thing she felt in another room filled with critics, a day that she had hoped to forget forever, but it seemed to have found it's way into her future. How would she get it out?
"I didn't hurt anybody!?" she said out loud, thinking of that little black man that grabbed her at the door. "They hurt me!"
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve . . .
Natasha 8: Run Away Love
It was strange that she followed them. It was insane that she continued singing after them. And painful that she did not stop herself. In her mind it was some form of revolution, titled "Natasha Stands." Unfortunately, she was truly standing alone in an embarrassing place that she had yet to notice. She went on to solidify her place in American Idol Hysterics by attempting to fight the guards and to hold her note at the same time. She only stopped singing once grabbed in order to physically remove her from the property. And still somehow she managed to snatch herself loose, run back into the audition room and begin to sing again, as if any note she came up with could out shine her stunning behavior from just moments before.
The guards and the judges paused in shock, waiting to see how long she would sing. After three more painful minutes, it was clear that she would never restrain herself, so they would have to
"What is her name?"
"Natasha,"
"Natasha stop this right now." The guards walked toward her, she looked at them with big bulging eyes that could have been used to say so many beautiful things, that only said "somebody help me." But the guards didn't have time to see that, they had to get this room clear and the auditions back on track.
As if reading their minds, she stopped singing, ran out the audition room, breaking the latch on the door, but freeing them of her painful display.
"Did you see that," "
Yes, she's crazy."
"No that girl is hurting"
"I'm the one who's hurting"
"She needs help."
"You can't save everyone Paula"
"I can try" Natasha was to the front door of the conference center about to step out into the street, when Bill tapped her on her shoulder . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
The guards and the judges paused in shock, waiting to see how long she would sing. After three more painful minutes, it was clear that she would never restrain herself, so they would have to
"What is her name?"
"Natasha,"
"Natasha stop this right now." The guards walked toward her, she looked at them with big bulging eyes that could have been used to say so many beautiful things, that only said "somebody help me." But the guards didn't have time to see that, they had to get this room clear and the auditions back on track.
As if reading their minds, she stopped singing, ran out the audition room, breaking the latch on the door, but freeing them of her painful display.
"Did you see that," "
Yes, she's crazy."
"No that girl is hurting"
"I'm the one who's hurting"
"She needs help."
"You can't save everyone Paula"
"I can try" Natasha was to the front door of the conference center about to step out into the street, when Bill tapped her on her shoulder . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
Natasha 7: Lingering Sounds
"Thank you for coming," was all they said, but she wanted to know, what did they think of her, so she stood there.
"Thank you for coming," the judges said again and in unison, fully expecting her to walk out the room and the next contestant to enter.
"So what did you think?"
"Thank you, but-"
"No, what did you think? Don't blow me off."
"Are you kidding?"
"What did you think?"
"I personally think she's crazy," thought one judge. He said, "It was terrible."
"Are you kidding?"
"Horrendous in fact."
"People tell me that I can sing."
"Really what people, the voices in your head," he thought, but said "Thank you for coming!" firmly and with irritation in his voice.
"No, let me sing another song, that will help to see," and Natasha broke out into song again without so much as a nod from the judges. Except this time instead of misplaced confidence, her painful little song was filled with an ugly desperation; the kind that drives people away. Consequently, the judges got up and left through the back door, figuring if she will not exit, then they will. They were collectively tired of being vocally hijacked by people with mediocre skills.
Natasha, opened her eyes in mid note and while holding it, she decided to follow . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
"Thank you for coming," the judges said again and in unison, fully expecting her to walk out the room and the next contestant to enter.
"So what did you think?"
"Thank you, but-"
"No, what did you think? Don't blow me off."
"Are you kidding?"
"What did you think?"
"I personally think she's crazy," thought one judge. He said, "It was terrible."
"Are you kidding?"
"Horrendous in fact."
"People tell me that I can sing."
"Really what people, the voices in your head," he thought, but said "Thank you for coming!" firmly and with irritation in his voice.
"No, let me sing another song, that will help to see," and Natasha broke out into song again without so much as a nod from the judges. Except this time instead of misplaced confidence, her painful little song was filled with an ugly desperation; the kind that drives people away. Consequently, the judges got up and left through the back door, figuring if she will not exit, then they will. They were collectively tired of being vocally hijacked by people with mediocre skills.
Natasha, opened her eyes in mid note and while holding it, she decided to follow . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
Natasha 6: For the Pain of Music
She had opened her mouth, and sang the same notes that she had sung so many times before. She seemed to have misplaced the proper sound at the start of the song and never found it again. It's not clear as to whether she was looking for it.
Natasha sang hard with a passion and confidence that far exceeded her skill. To the judges it was amazing that she would audition with that type of "ability." But Natasha knew that she was "knocking them dead," when in reality if they had fallen over and died, to one judge it would not have been one moment too soon. It was "horrendous" he thought, "no one should go through this type of pain." Little did he know, the real pain would begin at the end of the song . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
Natasha sang hard with a passion and confidence that far exceeded her skill. To the judges it was amazing that she would audition with that type of "ability." But Natasha knew that she was "knocking them dead," when in reality if they had fallen over and died, to one judge it would not have been one moment too soon. It was "horrendous" he thought, "no one should go through this type of pain." Little did he know, the real pain would begin at the end of the song . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
Natasha 5: Stormy Weather
Natasha was so upset by the judges response to her song that in the end, she just stormed out of that room without looking. What did they know about good music? She was so tired of being corrected and judged and made to feel like she was nothing. So she decided, "no more and not today." She didn't realize that like so many others before her, she had come to air her emotional and dirty laundry on national televsion . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
(c) Jamillah Warner, www.gospelnerve.com, I got the nerve to say . . .
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